Self-Care is so easy to lose track of. With the hustle that comes with everyday life as a single parent...more so than not, I forget! Suddenly I realize I am angry, frustrated and completely exhausted only to realize I have lost track of caring for myself. Self-Care, for me, has included doing things I've always wanted to, trying things I've never done before, recognizing things in myself and my surroundings that I need or want to change and making sure to maintain the delicate balance between my responsibilities & leisure time. I am a creature of rapid changes. I have come to learn that about myself & love it. I want to be the best possible version of myself for myself and for my son. I am always looking at how to improve and how to grow all while understanding that in order to be the best for myself-I have to be taking care of myself.
Hobbies are a way to spend time with loved ones or by myself and there was a time I had a hard time listing anything I enjoyed doing in my spare time that wasn't house work or sleep. In the last few years I have learned how to loom knit, arm knit, use my sewing machine, make succulent arrangements, several DIY projects and endless recipes. Some of these things, I always wanted to know & other things I enjoy learning...just because. Learning expands the mind and I love growing anyway I can.
Hobbies don't fill all my time when I am not busy working, running errands or parenting. Free time as a single parent is like GOLD. I use it to spend time with my god-daughter. I use it to spend time with family. I use it to spend time with friends. Every so often though, when the candle is burning a little too much at both ends....I have learned to recognize the need to use this time for myself. It could be a movie marathon and a few glasses of wine. The time could be spent letting my frustrations out on rearranging my place. I use the time to date myself, pamper myself, isolate myself. My free time is necessary to unplug, to recharge, to make sure my mind, spirit and body is reset to tackle whatever comes my way next.
Recently, I've also made it a point to step out of my comfort zone. These things I felt were necessary as I have been walking a journey to loving the skin I am in and finding peace with my body after having my son 8 years ago. Eight years is a long time to carry the burden, if not longer, of shame and hatred for my own body. I started the journey because I was tired of feeling so much depression over how I looked and felt. I also started the journey because there were women around me going thru the same journey and making progress, so why not ME!? After all, insanity is doing the same things expecting different results so I figure its time to get uncomfortable and do some growing!
I made my approach a little differently than people typically do. I started from the inside and have been working my way outward. I started with healing my heart. Acknowledging that I had let myself go in my last relationship. I let go of everything I stood for, everything I believed in, maintaining close friendships and maintaining my independence. Taking care of me. It took a few years to find the balance between being a single parent and making time for myself but its been a part of my self-care journey and I cannot tell you how earth-shattering it is, when I lose that balance.
Once I felt like my heart was mostly healed and on the road to mending-I worked on my perception and my mind. My perception of myself & my mindset needed a complete make over. I was self-sabotaging by medicating thru eating. I have never had a dependency on drugs or alcohol...my addiction was food. I would eat thru my happiness, my sadness...even my good days were reason enough to indulge in something unhealthy. It took time...its still a struggle, it was not over night, but working on my relationship with food has been one of the best forms of Self-Care I could've chosen.
Next, I worked on changing my perception of myself thru outward behaviors & habits. I had stopped literally caring about how I looked. Not caring about how others perceived me played right into how I perceived myself and it became this vicious cycle. I gave my wardrobe a make over. I planned a more efficient morning routine. I stopped caring about what size clothing I was buying and instead focused on buying things that I felt good in. I planned a morning routine that allowed me the time to enjoy a cup of coffee, shower, style all this hair and put on a face-IF I so chose to. Walking out the door feeling like I was comfortable but more important-confident-tremendously changed my perception of myself AND I am doing it for ME!
Another way I've chosen to step out of my comfort zone and continue to work my way toward self love-a few years back I attended my very first open call for a local designer who founded Tucson Fashion Week. I've modeled for her and another local designer several times since. I took my comfort level and body love journey a step further and purchased a Groupon for a Boudoir Photo Shoot. Even without these modeling opportunities or the boudoir photo shoot...I cannot tell you how beautiful it is to rock a bikini to the pool or walk around naked when my son is away and feel good in my skin.
I'm not "there"...ebb & flow is the name of the game. Its a work in progress but a journey I am forever grateful for starting. Becoming aware of the importance of Self-Care is priceless wisdom. In taking care of myself...I feel rooted. I feel humbled. I feel grounded. I feel more like myself in acknowledging and fulfilling what I need to maintain me. I still battle with insecurities. I still battle with bad days. I am still re-writing heart beliefs to get to the best version of me. I'm still learning to manage my time better. I'm still learning and establishing boundaries for what is healthiest for me and my household.
The awareness of these things is what I work on and what keeps my progress moving. I know the ONLY person who knows how to BEST care for me is myself. I know that to best care for my son and those around me is to care for myself, first. I know its perfectly acceptable to be a little selfish sometimes. I know that the time and investment in myself is priceless. I am priceless.
My Queendom is priceless.
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