I like to think I am a very patient and tolerant person. I also like to think that I am generally accepting and have worked to be a go-with-the-flow kind of woman while maintaining organization and routine. But this last year, 2016, put me thru it. For many years, I have exhausted myself being there for everyone and forgetting about me, forgetting about my household, my family. I have exhausted my mind and emotions trying to navigate this relation-shit with my son's father.
Those two areas of my life, alone, have depleted my being to the point of wanting to isolate away from everyone and everything that gives me joy and fulfillment. I've felt like sulking, eating, sulking some more and finding any excuse to just stay away.
....well.....
Enough is enough. I felt the change coming at the end of 2016. Maybe it was some of the holi-daze(see what I did there) that had me feeling so anxious but I felt this change coming and it was intensified at the end of 2016....it.is.no.more. Lines in the sand will be redrawn, boundaries will be put back up, organization will have its way, purging will be more regular, the word "no" will be used frequently without apology. I am done.
Its now March and I have been working diligently on myself. Slowly, but surely, I'm taking care of all areas of my life as I seek true balance. My cousin Kelli has been an amazing help. Shes been a life coach, a guru of sorts for me...someone who is looking from the outside in and helping me to achieve real changes. My diet, my mind, my spirit, my finances, my career, my relationship, my family, my friends....its all getting a make-over. I am generally a very happy and optimistic person, however, this life gets heavy.
I realize now that the people and relationships I've cultivated in the last few years, have led me to the changes I am making for myself today. It happened naturally, organically....and I am falling in love with it. Truly. Putting myself first feels amazing. I've not perfected it and I am still working on this-moment by moment. I feel the lifestyle transformations happening and it feels good. Its not forced nor a burden and thats what I've been seeking. I've wanted to feel more free, at peace... instead of obligated, pressured, heavy and caged.
I feel a new evolution happening and I am excited to see where it will take me. I feel like it can only benefit me, my family and my circle. Beautiful things are coming...Hello 2017.
